Bereft

If you let go my hand, the air will not
rush back in to fill the empty space,
rejected by the anguish of my skin
bereft of your palm’s touch.

If you leave my side, the space beside me
will empty like the eye of a whirlwind,
leaves swirling outside the scope
of these forsaken arms.

If you go away from me, stars will fall
from my night sky, emptied as from an eclipse,
and darkness will drift like smoke,
choking my dissipated heart.

Therefore never leave me, love,
lest my universe collapse in on itself,
a black hole devouring its own atoms, soul
desolate as the gravity of a neutron star.
.....

17 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:50:00 PM

    Excellent! You are an excellent writer. keep going twitter guy, 1awakening

    ReplyDelete
  2. Greatness found in the 'LOVE' that keeps us alive! Well penned!
    L.L.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Last stanza is exceptional. First stanza, I'd look at the rhyme which stands out enough that I kept looking for it elsewhere. And in stanza two, do you need "of loneliness"? Listen to it without and see what you think. Once again, however, gorgeous imagery, and for a brand new poem, muah! (Or is it mwah?)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Again, so perceptive. When I pressed "publish" those were the very things that still niggled at me about my fresh-from-the-word-processor poem. A newer version above. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lovely....I know that feeling

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh, such a gorgeous love poem - I wish I'd written it for someone / someone had written it for me!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Short link- http://bit.ly/s4bereft

    ReplyDelete
  8. I really do appreciate this poem. The feeling of love and longing just scream out to you. The last stanza is my favorite.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous12:08:00 AM

    Such a wonderful poem!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Most rewarding, "love" in everlasting concepts. Beautiful and so well written.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I particularly liked the first and second stanzas: The loneliness of a withdrawn hand and the powerful presence of an absent loved one.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous9:07:00 PM

    Hmm such longing,the ache of it all ..oh when will it end ..Love it Tania

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nice work, well played, sir, well played indeed.

    "and darkness will drift like smoke,
    choking my dissipated heart. "

    You've written a poem or two, before, admit it.

    I love the naturalness of the language, no pseudo-literary posing or unnecessary ornaments.

    Very clean, very effective, very nice, IMHO.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Okay, I will admit to having written a poem or two before.

    For the kind words - thank you all.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This is just so lovely...sigh.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks so much for visiting my site, I'm grateful you've taken the time to read. If you liked this selection, you can download a sampler of (or buy!) my books at the following links...

- Sonata Vampirica
- Sonnets from the Labrador
- How More Beautiful You Are
- Tango Desolado
- War and Ablution

...And, if you can, please leave a rating at Amazon.com. It's easy, and it does help a lot.

...Thank you!